Interview: Newcastle woman narrates her horrific abusive marriage 

After what can only be described as years of cruel, heinous chaos, a courageous 39 year old woman from Pioneer Park, Newcastle decided to share her experience in an abusive marriage and how her now exhusband tormented her and their daughter.

What was meant to be a life of great moments and loving memories, transformed into a 12 year nightmare marriage drenched in relentless assaults, rape, and emotional and physical abuse with death threats and psychopathic behaviour being the norm.

Preferring to remain anonymous, the woman sat down with Newcastillian News, sharing her journey from hell to freedom, in the hopes of inspiring other women in similar situations to take action and get help.

“I met my husband in December 2008, and we were married on 2 October 2010. He was a gentleman, attentive, but that changed. On our wedding night, things changed, and I spent the night in the bathroom in my wedding dress, crying, and realising that I made a big mistake,” began the woman.

Raised as a resilient Afrikaans woman, instilled with the values of perseverance, she believed she could change her husband and mend their relationship. However, her hopes were soon shattered as the abuse grew worse, intensifying as the years rolled on.

Over the next 12 years, she endured a tirade of verbal, physical, and emotional abuse, witnessing their marriage spiral into toxicity day by day.

“In 2018, my now to be exhusband was retrenched from his work and decided he no longer wanted to work for a boss. Whereby, he attempted to start his own business.” However, his plans faltered, leading to increased alcohol consumption and escalated physical abuse.

The woman described the assaults, recounting instances where she was slapped, pushed, kicked, and even assaulted with a gun. The torment even extended to her workplace, where he monitored her every move.

“He also accused me of being unfaithful, and the alcohol and unemployment exacerbated this. One day, while I taught at a local high school, I was on duty at a sports day. During the day, I went home quickly, and when I wanted to go back to work, he pulled out his gun, cocked it, and pointed it at my head while I was in the car,” she said.

In a state of shock, she drove around for a while before returning home as her daughter was still at the house.

Out of fear, she stayed with her husband, but his violent attacks never stopped and neither did his death threats. “He threatened to beat me to death with a gun, he also said he would bash my head in with a hammer and bury me in the yard, or would kill me and make it look like a suicide and then pee on my grave,” said the emotional woman with tears in her eyes.

But his death threats were not just limited to her. He also threatened to burn down the house with the woman and their eight year daughter in it. “He even threw petrol in the kitchen and threatened to light it,” she said.

One night, he went as far as to load his gun and called his daughter from her room to come to him. “I knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to shoot her, and I called out to her to not leave her room.”

In addition to this continuous mental and physical abuse, her husband also raped her twice between 2018 and 2020 and also forced her to perform oral sex on him in 2022. “I asked him why he had done this to me, and he said he enjoyed it, and I didn’t have to. I was also bleeding after the one rape and when I told him I needed medical help, he just turned around and went to sleep.

According to the woman, he was also addicted to hardcore porn which might have contributed to him raping her, she told.

With the constant abuse and not even being allowed to go to the shops for 20 minutes without her husband, she lived in a torturous hell. “I always had to report to him, and if I didn’t answer his phone calls or messages, he would break the furniture in the house.”

He even took an axe to the kitchen once, destroying almost everything in his sight. As she explained, he constantly injected fear into her life, ensuring that she was too scared to leave.

Then, in September 2022, a turning point arrived when her mother reported the abuse to the police. Her mother also went to DBM Attorneys, who began a file on the matter.

“In September 2022, two police officers came to the school where I worked and spoke to me. I then decided to leave one night, but I couldn’t because my husband would not go to sleep. I couldn’t let him know, because the one time I did tell him I wanted a divorce, he lost control,” said the woman.

Scared that her husband would eventually kill her or their daughter, the woman’s chance to escape finally came in October 2022. Through her bravery, her mother and a close family friend’s encouragement, and the dedication of two police officers, change was on the horizon.

On 17 October 2022, the two police officers returned to her again while she was at work and she showed them her bruises. She explained that the officers said action needed to be taken, as her husband was going to kill her.

Then on 18 October 2022, her husband went on a rampage where she said that a small voice in her mind told her that she wasn’t going to make it. This led her to finally open a case of domestic violence and she told the police that her husband had tried to shoot her.

As a result, he was arrested on 19 October 2022 and was kept in police custody for the duration of the trial held at the Newcastle Magistrate Court. Following the legal battle, justice came to the aid of the woman and her daughter seeing this abusive man sentenced to 20 years imprisonment.

According to the woman, he is serving his sentence at Waterval Correctional Services.

“The Magistrate who presided over the case said it was the first time in his 32 years that he had sentenced a husband for the rape of his wife.” This is a major victory for justice, as far too many women endure sexually abusive relationships believing that nothing will come of it when reported.

Now, on the path of healing, the woman emphasised the importance of identifying signs of potential abusers and encouraged victims to seek help. Her harrowing experience serves as an urgent need to raise awareness about domestic violence in marriages and that women need to take action.

As she embarks on a new journey with her daughter, she hopes to rebuild their lives, free from the horrors of the past. In her message to society, she stressed the significance of love, respect, and support in relationships, highlighting the devastating impact of domestic violence on both individuals and families.

“Thankfully, I have a good support system from my mother, family, and close friends. I also went to a psychologist to help with my healing.”

With a good support structure and a mental health practitioner assisting her, she also moved into a new home, leaving everything of her old life behind. “I brought nothing from the old life with me and this has definitely helped me. I can now live and have freedom. My daughter is also doing much better, she was very unhappy as she was exposed to violence. But now she is a different child, her father no longer exists to her,” said the woman.

With her and her daughter having been isolated in a world of violence and abuse, she is excited about their new journey.

Now working as a primary school teacher, the woman encourages all women and young girls beginning relationships to be on the lookout for certain telltale signs of a potential abuser.

“Look out for narcissistic behaviour, someone who drinks too much, someone who is possessive and controlling. Be careful of a person with trust issues, who swears at you, demeans you, and interrogates your every movement. Also, don’t ever think they will change,” she said.

Furthermore, she urges women in abusive relationships to get out as soon as possible before they are eventually murdered. “Also, children growing up in that environment will think it’s normal and daughters will marry someone like their fathers or worse, while sons will become like their dads.”

As for men, she said, “Women don’t need money or materialistic items. We just need love, respect, and support.”

Newcastillian News thanks this brave woman for sharing her story and we hope that you and your daughter go on to enjoy a beautiful life, filled with boundless love and wonderful memories.

Share your thoughts on this story and the issue of domestic violence in the comments section below.